I am pleased to write these few lines for the first time. Living with a stoma may seem alarming on many levels. By collaborating with ANA & Me, I wish to support you during your adjustment and transition period, address your concerns and help you embrace your new life, your new image, your sexuality and your desire to become a parent one day. Once you’re past the acceptance phase, you will realize that it’s possible to live with a stoma and continue to thrive in both your personal and professional life.

We all go through periods of great changes that often negatively affect our self-esteem and our ability to feel attractive. Adolescence, puberty and aging are examples of milestones characterized by important physical and physiological changes. Adapting to a stoma is kind of different from those milestones, you might say, but it brings a lot of legitimate emotions, just as any changes or new experiences. Something I noticed in young women with a stoma is the fear of being “unmasked”, which brings insecurity, a lack of confidence and a feeling of loss of control. Fortunately, facilitators that can improve self-esteem exist. We will discuss some of them in my subsequent articles.

Another problem that I noticed among new ostomates is the fear of moving away from beauty standards dictated by society. If we look closely at those standards, we realize that they represent a world without differences, particularities and personality. The rigid mould in which women’s body image, seduction and sexuality are encased is not unanimous among women, whether they are ostomates or not. However, I know this hurts your self-esteem and the process of self-acceptance you are going through. In this unreachable world, women for whom body image is a constant struggle suffer from self-esteem problems, while those who have a healthy relationship with their bodies have a better image of themselves. As mentioned earlier, we will talk about self-esteem as we progress together.

On another note, it’s worth mentioning that Western society has developed strict rules (too strict?) concerning evacuation of stools and cleanliness. These rules make different means to evacuate stools, like stoma, somewhat taboo. Words with negative connotation are used when potty training children. For example, uncleanliness and incontinence are associated with bad behaviour, lack of self-control or aging (“old people’s” diseases). Early in their development, children are conditioned to see getting dirty and soiling their clothes negatively. The shame and humiliation incontinence brings stem from our strict education on cleanliness. If you ever mistakenly feel like you depart from those occidental rules because of your stoma, know that it is right to consider it as a new part of yourself, as a new accessory to love… like a purse.

See you next time for another purse story.

Sincerely,

Stéfanny

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