When I was 11 years old, I saw my first ileostomy as a way to free me from pain, and a way to let me play with my friends without having to worry about bathrooms.

When I was 18 years old, I viewed my second ileostomy very differently. Yes, I had my freedom back, and I could now have a professional life. However, I had a boyfriend and I was just starting to live my woman’s life, so I got scared… I believe every adult ostomate experiences this fear. It’s part of everyone’s personal process… For me, this fear was about my relationship and my sexual life. It made me wonder about a few things. How will my sexual life work? Who will find me sexy, with an old people’s pouch on my stomach? What kind of awkward moments will this create?

I was lucky, because my boyfriend at the time was with me before and after the surgery, so he understood what it was all about. We slowly got used to this new life with the three of us. When your boyfriend can compare how you feel before and after the stoma, and see its benefits, all he can do is enjoy this freedom with you. We’re not the only ones suffering from the disease; our family and lover suffer as well. At first, my boyfriend was a bit uneasy. However, it wasn’t about being disgusted or not being attracted to me, it was more about “being afraid to hurt me” and “how should I position myself to not crush this little pouch”. The unease quickly went away after we talked about it and… tried it! Because, this was all new for me too, you know.

Now being 33 years old, and having had a few lovers after my surgery, I can say that the process has been pretty much the same over the years. The only exception was that my next lovers didn’t know how I was before the surgery, and had no idea what a stoma is. So yes, I was a bit scared of being rejected in a society where body image is so important. But, as mentioned in my previous article, I always talked about my surgery openly and in a positive way. I talked about my pouch as something that has a positive effect on my life. I also told them I was like any other woman, and my sexual life was not restrained by this. The only thing that is different is that I have an opening on my stomach, and not down there… but even this has its advantages! Yeah! My butt is always clean and never smells! (It’s better to just laugh about it!)

Never in all those 15 years has one of my boyfriends felt I was disgusting, or left me because of my pouch. Never! Maybe because there were no surprises, and what they saw was exactly as I described.

I never stopped myself from taking steps toward happiness. Our fears are based on the unknown an our lack of self-confidence. Not facing the unknown means never knowing that life has to offer… be it sexually or not.. ;-)

Genevieve A.