I want this article to make you go back to the basics of sexuality: PLEASURE. Pleasure depends on your preferences and your desires. Sexuality changes and evolves over time depending on our life experiences, relationships, celibacy and health.

The journey ostomates go through reflects this. It goes without saying that after being weakened by the disease and the surgery, it's important to focus all your energy on recovering and accepting your new reality. It's likely that you will pay little to no interest to your sexuality while going through this. The best thing you can do is to care and be patient with yourself. When you have more energy, you may want to reconnect with everything that gives you pleasure.

When you are ready, make sure to calm your fears and go at your own pace when reintroducing sexuality in your life. This can be hard to do for some people, but to make this transition easier I suggest focusing on pleasure instead of on a particular way of living your sexuality. A world of possibilities will then open up to you, because you can experience pleasure in multiple ways. 

Take pleasure in kissing, because it is a delightiful and fulfilling experience. Take pleasure in fantasizing, because it stimulates sexual desire and it's fun. Take pleasure in touching yourself, as it's a great way to learn about your body, your preferences and what makes you uncomfortable. It's also a great way to learn about sensations with your new ostomy. Learn to rely on other ways to feel pleasure when an intimate moment doesn't go the way you wanted it to. Take pleasure in creating scenarios where you use your five senses - sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch. Your senses can bring you a lot of pleasure. Take pleasure in giving or receiving without expecting anything in return. Take pleasure in seducing your significant other again by creating opportunities to spend time with each other. Sexuality is more than just genital sexuality, sexual positions and orgasms. 

When you feel the time is right for you to explore your sexuality, forget about obligations and performances. Forget about stereotypes that have nothing to do with you, and don't compare yourself with others. Experience your sexuality in a way that is unique to you or to your couple, while respecting yourself and your significant other.

It ia possible to experience pleasure after ostomy surgery.

Lise Laflamme
Sexologue & Psychothérapeute
Sexologist and psychotherapist
 

This article is brought to you by : Centre de stomie de la Mauricie