Dear readers,

In this third article, I will talk about tips and tricks to fully enjoy your sexuality. It is important that your intimate moments are gentle and comforting so you want to repeat them.

But we’ll come back to it in a bit. First you have to adapt, love yourself again, give yourself the right to feel pleasure and desire and reconnect with yourself and/or your partner. Ostomates usually start to wonder about intimacy and sexuality after a good deal of adaptation and acceptation has been done.  It is estimated that couples start talking about sexuality around the sixth week after surgery. Obviously, this is different for every woman.

First, I think it is important that you understand the physical and psychological changes that can occur after the surgery. Understanding those changes will help you make sensations that could be new for you feel normal.

I am sure you know multiple pouches are available for you after your surgery. A colostomy (made with the large intestine) requires surgery in the abdominal wall, near the pelvis. It is sometimes necessary to close the rectum. After the surgery, wounds need to heal, making them less elastic. The rectum and vagina are close to each other. Therefore, after undergoing surgery and during your convalescence, you may feel a new type of sensitivity and even vaginal dryness during penetration. Closing the rectum may make the perineum less sensitive (the area between the rectum and vagina, which is an erogenous zone).

These sensations do not only occur after undergoing surgery. Almost one in five women often feels discomfort during sexual intercourse. Multiple events can change the way we live our sexuality; some examples are contraception, pregnancy, childbirth and menopause. Recognizing these new sensations will make it easier for you to get used to them and even change them.

The first tip I can give you is to prepare for future intimate moments. It may seem insignificant and even tedious for some of you, but you can create the atmosphere you want, and increase sexual desire. I suggest you go to the bathroom and clean your ostomy device. Deodorants made for your devices also exist, and you can use them if they make you feel more comfortable. You can also opt for a more opaque device or a smaller one if you have a colostomy. Just make sure it is hermetic.  There exists ostomy belts and pouch covers that hide your stoma, and cute underwear tailored for your silhouette too. The idea here is that you will be able to let go with your partner if you feel pretty and attractive.

Second, adapting your environment can help quell the fears you have. Use music or humour to lighten the mood. Talk about your fears with your partner. If your device leaks, it is possible to keep going in the shower. If you worry about your device, know that your stoma will not hurt because of physical contact, as long as no solid object is inserted in it. While it may seem intriguing, penetrating the stoma can cause big stomach cramps and injuries. It could be interesting to try lying on your side or any position that relieves pressure in the area of your abdomen. You can also use pillows if you need to. The rest of my tips are more general, and I offer them to every woman who wants a healthy sex life.  I suggest you use a good lubricant for vaginal penetration, like a water-based one. Do not hesitate to use it again during intercourse, as this helps the movements be more fluid.    

Remember that sexuality is more than just penetration. Becoming comfortable with your sexuality again can be used as a privileged moment to explore different things, like massages, oral sex, and how to use different senses. You can also use it to make your home a cozy and comfortable place.

Sincerely,

Stéfanny

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