To me, telling someone that I have a stoma is a kind of “coming out”.  It’s a “coming out” because not only am I disclosing something that is uncommon for people of my age but the revelation could possibly change the other person’s opinion of me.  I hope that your experience of “coming out” is not as stressful as mine. And yet I’ve come out many times now and the reactions I get are always good.  I don’t really know why I feel such anxiety every time I want to share the existence of my stoma with a new acquaintance.  Admittedly we all wish to present the best of ourselves when we first meet someone.  And taboo subjects like poop aren’t normally part of those early discussions. 

Knowing the right time

I don’t think there’s a how-to recipe for revealing a stoma.  I don’t put pressure on myself to talk about my stoma on a first date especially when we haven’t yet made plans to see each other again.  Once we’ve established that we’re interested in each other, the best time is when I feel at ease.  Holding on to the fact for too long will weigh on my mind and ultimately become unhealthy.  I tell myself that if the person is going to lose interest in me because of my stoma, it’s best to know as soon as possible.

Positive wording

I will always remember the advice from an article that suggested using positive language to talk about ostomies.  When my attitude is positive, chances are the other person’s will be too.  Obviously talking about an ostomy as if it’s the worse thing in the world will not encourage people’s desire to learn more.  It’s also not a given that this new person in my life will provide a shoulder to cry on.  I think it’s important for the other person to be comfortable with themselves in order to be okay with me and my condition otherwise how can I expect that they’ll be fine with all my issues?

Explaining clearly and answering questions

Ideally, I don’t blurt out what’s going on with me when the time isn’t right.  I also like taking the time to explain the development of my illness so people will understand how I got to this point in my life.  I want to show that there are positive angles to all of this.  After all, it’s what keeps me alive!  I like to list all the positive aspects of my ostomy and keep the negative ones to myself.  I hope you have as many beautiful encounters as I have and if not, don’t be discouraged, the next time will be better.

Stéphanie

Translated from French by Jane Loignon

Brought to you by: ANA