In life, when we’re facing a situation, we have three options: we can let ourselves be defined by what is happening to us, we can give up and let ourselves be destroyed, or we can choose to become stronger. The choice is ours after all. In my case, even if my ileostomy has been quite beneficial for me, I must say I had a lot of bad luck and if I’m talking about them, it’s not negatively. It’s simply because I think it's comforting to know that we’re not alone in adversity and because it’s sometimes important to know how to downplay events.

Never forget that you have everything you need to get through it. Believe me - we learn how to laugh at it over time.

My first date with my ostomy

My first misfortune with my ostomy was the most memorable and I’ll never forget it. I had been dating a guy for some time; it was actually the first one I saw after my surgery, so I was really nervous about having sex with him… I even planned it out! I had the brilliant idea of not eating all day to make sure my bag wasn’t inflated during the act. I even swapped my usual ileostomy bag for a small square disposable bag to make my ostomy as discreet as possible.

At the beginning of the date, everything was fine; my guy was there and we were having a nice evening, even if I was starving to death! When the time to take action came, my fabulous, tiny, ostomy bag filled with bile... I quickly went to the bathroom to remove and empty it, but all the bile flowed on my collar and it got soaked instantly. That's not all! I was no longer able to put my bag back or change my collar. Every time I cleaned my ostomy and got ready to paste my collar, a jet of bile, well I mean a huge jet of bile, came out of my belly. Very embarrassed, I asked my guy who was waiting for me to get me some medication (Imodium) and other products to ingest (Metamucil and marshmallows) in the bathroom. I had to slow down my intestinal transit to be able to fix my ileostomy equipment. We spent the next hour on the couch, holding a towel on my stomach and waiting for the medicine to take effect. He even helped me to put my collar on, because I had to do it pretty fast as the jets of bile were still present. Well, he was thus entitled to a live vue of the mouth of my ostomy after only a few weeks of dating. Fantastic for a romantic evening!

After that memorable moment, we finally had dinner at 9:00 pm... I then realized that my ostomy bag was perforated when I saw a stool spot on my shirt… I swear it was a really magical evening! I got up to change my bag again, but the perforated one was my last one. As the pharmacy was closing in 5 minutes, we called them in a hurry to make sure they kept me a box. When I arrived there, I started to have an intolerable stomachache that made it difficult for me to walk. Back home, my stomachache worsened and I started to vomit. Is there a more attractive way to seduce a man?

We went to the hospital; I will always remember that night! As I was still having chemo treatments, we were placed in isolation as soon as we arrived. My guy had to wear, just like me, a mask, a hospital gown and gloves. I was suffering so much that they gave me morphine by injection and I ended up falling asleep with my date, who felt totally helpless and exhausted. The test results confirmed the day after that I had an intestinal obstruction. Yes, I had blocked my intestines with Imodium and Metamucil. (Don’t try this at home!) When I woke up, I had to try having breakfast so the doctor could check if the obstruction was still present. Everything went back to working normally; so much that my collar came off my stomach and I was covered with stool again. Well, I started my day perfectly! As the hospital didn’t have my brand of ostomy equipment on hand, we did what we could with another brand of bag, until we got back home where I changed my equipment again...

As you can see, I don’t do things halfway! And what about my date? He stayed with me and wasn’t even traumatized! He accepted me as I was, for better or worse. The right person for you will support you, never forget it! Bad luck is part of life and you have to accept it to move forward. I could tell you about my other ostomy mishaps in a future article.

Don’t get discouraged and smile, you’re not alone!

Valérie

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