Once upon a time... The first thing that comes to mind after hearing those words is the story of a young damsel in distress who lived happily ever after and had a lot of children.  But honestly, fairy tales don't exist in real life. I've never heard of a princess battling cancer or a prince with an ostomy. The beauty in all this is that we can make our own story, and this is what makes us exceptional people. Four months ago, I thought my story was a fairy tale: I was a 23 years old, ambitious woman who had moved to Ottawa for my studies. I had a job and was leading my own life, when everything fell apart. This is when it all began...

Chapter 1: May 2015

I suffered from severe fatigue, hypotension, nausea and vertigo. I didn't have my monthly menstruation and I had to go to the bathroom countless times a day. After three years, I finally decided to see a doctor. I had to go through a lot of exams. Because my test results were negative, I had to see a psychotherapist. He taught me how to cope with stress, since doctors thought that was what was causing my symptoms. I started questioning myself. I didn't feel good, and they weren't finding anything, but deep down I knew something was wrong. As time passed, I got more tired, and I had more trouble focusing on my classes, which affected my grades. I decided to take a break from school before the Autumn semester started to try an recover a little. I decided to keep my job. My symptoms kept getting worse.

Chapter 2: December 2015

We all dream of a white Christmas, but mine was red. My symptoms had been getting worse for a while, and there was a lot of blood in my stools. My stomach hurt a lot, and I couldn't pass my stools in one go, so I had to go to the bathroom multiple times a day. This was pretty embarassing, especially at work. I decided to go see a doctor again. He referred me to a gastroenterologist. What a great way to start the new year!

Chapter 3: February 2016

I shiver when I think about the word "coloscopy". Or maybe I shiver because it reminds me of the liquid you have to drink before the exam? I would learn something major after the coloscopy. I still remember the face of the surgeon and what he said. "I took a biopsy. I can't tell you before we get the results, but I didn't expect this. You're too young..."  That raised a red flag. I could not be... I was too young to have CANCER! All I remember is leaving the room and bursting into tears. I went back home and I was anxious, because I had no idea what was gonna happen in the next couple of weeks.

Chapter 4: March 8th, 2016

After freaking out for a week and a half and wondering what I had, I finally got to see a surgeon. I will always remember that day. I was trying to convince myself that everything was going to be alright, and I promised myself not to lose my temper. But learning that I had stage 3 rectal cancer, and that "we will probably need to remove your rectum, colon, large intestine and anus", plus that "you will probably have an ileostomy for the rest of your life, and you may become sterile" was too much for me to take. Learning that you have cancer is a big shock. Let me tell you that learning all of the consequences at once makes you feel like your world is crumbling. Your brain can't anymore information, and it feels like time literally stops. I finally got out of the surgeon's office with a blank stare and tears running down my cheeks. I then went back home to share the "good news" with my family.

That is when my fairy tale slowly came to an end. Back then, I felt like I had lost control of my life, and that my world had crumbled.

However, I always thought that you would never have to face something that you can't handle. I had two options: Feel sorry for myself and act like a victim, or see the good things in my situation, have faith in life and... let go! This is obviously not easy. You first need to accept the situation you're in. But in time I realised that I had CONTROL over my ATTITUDE and the way I PERCEIVE things. I'm sure you'll understand why I picked the second option. 

Valérie

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