For as long as I can remember, I have always greatly cared about what others think of me (and that is putting it mildly). I was so scared of what others would think or say after my surgery! At that time, I thought everyone would automatically notice the pouch hiding under my clothes. This was one of the biggest concerns I had about undergoing surgery.

I decided to wear loose clothing to make sure no one would see my stoma. Truth is, I was the only one seeing the pouch through my clothes. Stoma is a taboo subject that we don’t talk about much. Thus, most people don’t know what an ileostomy is, what it looks like and where it’s located. No one knows what’s hidden under my clothes unless I tell them about it. And I only share this information to people I fully trust. In time, I learned that people don’t tend to judge. They only want to understand what this mysterious disease is. Don’t encourage them to go look at pictures on Google… They are TERRIFYING. Take the time to explain what the disease is and what led you to make that decision to them. I don’t know a lot of people who didn’t care about the story of someone suffering from Crohn’s disease.

And there was also the fear of meeting someone special, and having to explain something that is such an important and personal part of me. Right now, I’m sure you understand I don’t introduce myself like this: “Hi, my name is Élisabeth. I’ve been an ostomate since 2013. Want to see?” I decided people would get to know me for who I am, and that with time and self-confidence, I could tell them about it. It’s simple: My stoma doesn’t define who I am; it is only a part of me. Of course, it wasn’t an easy discussion to have with my lover at first. He had to get used to the stoma being in every sphere of our lives. He had never met someone like me before.I’d say that our “threesome” is going well so far.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t care about what others think of me. This is a long process where you need to work on yourself a lot. However, I am confident that with a lot of love, self-esteem and perseverance, I can make it. Summer is almost here already (only 3 months, 29 days, and 11 hours left now), and I am considering buying 2-piece swimsuit, with a high-waisted bottom. I’m making a lot of progress! I’ll let you know how it all went! 

Élisabeth

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