Suffering from intestinal inflammation means going to the bathroom more often. It also means your body gives you less time to find a bathroom. When I was diagnosed with an IBD, I had diarrhea frequently. The more time passed, the more frequent and liquid my diarrhea became.

As soon as I felt the need to go, I knew I couldn’t hold back much longer. I wasn’t able to hold back a couple of times. I don’t think I’m the only 19-year-old girl who suffered from a complete loss of self-confidence and feelings of shame because of incontinence.  Wearing diapers when you’re 19 years old doesn’t help boost your self-esteem. Because I had lost a lot of weight, I was wearing pull-ups. This reminds me of a certain memory I had tried to forget. But it feels so good to remember it, now that I have a stoma.

I was just discharged from the hospital. I had received treatments and it felt like I was getting better, so I decided to go to Quebec City for a few days, to see my boyfriend.  Because I wasn’t perfectly healthy, my sister decided to come with me. She’s always been great in her big sister takes care of her younger sister role.

We only had to drive for one hour. However, I could need to go to the bathroom two to three times during that time span. I did bring a change of clothes, just in case. Deep down I knew I would need to change, and I hadn’t brought those clothes just in case.

Before getting to my boyfriend’s apartment, I felt the need to go to the bathroom. We rushed to try and find any, but it was already too late.

We finally made it to my boyfriend’s place. He was living on the 3rd floor back then. Just thinking about climbing those stairs made me tired. I also felt the need to go to the bathroom again.

I broke down on the 2nd floor. I didn’t want to go there anymore, especially because he had friends over. At the same time, I didn’t see myself turning back. I was only 10 steps away from his apartment. I made it, but I felt ashamed and disgusted. Hopefully, I could count on my sister and my boyfriend to cheer me up and dry my tears.

I’m not scared of not making it in time anymore. I choose when I go to the bathroom, and I don’t spend my days in there.

Being an ostomate means having control over your life, and I’m proud of it.

Andréanne

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