ADMIRE HER TO LOVE HER
Her surgery day arrived quickly because of the severity of the disease. Andréanne was having surgery, and I was starting my new life as a university student. On that day, I was restless… I felt like part of me was also having surgery.
The anxiety and impatience I felt during her surgery was intense, as if I was in the waiting room with my in-laws. I remember the moment when my mother-in-law called to tell me that everything went well. It really reassured me! I was scared of the things Andréanne would have to face when she’d wake up, and I wasn’t sure what to expect when I’d see her. That’s when I told myself that nothing could change: Andréanne had an ostomy, and I’d have to get used to that new little pouch.
I was able to talk to and reassure my lover after her surgery. You know, there are times when your loved ones only need to hear you say I love you. I had to listen to her, comfort her and tell her I loved her. After all, she was the one who was going to live with this pouching system for a big part of her life. For the rest of her life even. Andréanne has always been someone who’s really reserved, introverted, and who doesn’t really complain. Everything was alright according to her. And yes, everything was alright. She slowly moved forward in this adventure, to get to know her new companion. Every day and every time we talked, she was doing alright. One night, after her day was filled with pain and worries, she called me, crying. She had questions about how I was accepting the situation. She was scared and was afraid she’d lose me. She was afraid I wouldn’t want to deal with this situation. Before getting surgery, people following her called her choice into question, to make sure she was ready for any possibility. But it was my responsibility at that time to reassure her and tell her I loved her. I obviously didn’t want to end our relationship, but I was in uncharted territory, I was far from her, and I was distraught.
Andréanne spent a few more days at Sherbrooke’s hospital to recuperate. Then, one night, when I was working, I had a pleasant surprise. Back then, I was working in a restaurant. Andréanne and her sister came in to eat dessert and surprise me. I’ll always remember the moment I saw my lover come in, walking slowly while leaning against her sister to surprise me. She was stunning, and I was so happy to see her I became teary-eyed. That night, when we got back home, I took care of her as if I hadn’t seen her for an entire year.
At night, I had a kind of sixth sense. Every time she would wake up, I would wake up too, to help her get out of bed and walk. I was always making sure everything was okay. After all, I loved her, and I wanted to take care of her the same way I know she would take care of me.
It’s while I was watching her sleep that I understood that being a lover also means admiring the person you live with. It’s then that I really came to admire this beautiful young lady, now an ostomate. After this ordeal, her look, her words and her gestures were not the same; they were even more sincere than before, and I appreciated them even more.
That night, it became clear that I would admire her all my life, even though I was only 18 years-old.
During that time I also met her ostomy, but to keep you in suspense I’ll tell you more about it later!