FINALLY ABLE TO BELIEVE IT
You just got to believe.
Nothing can really prepare you to your new life after surgery. You can talk to people who experienced it and they can give you advice and tell you how their life is, but each person decides what their own path is. With the benefit of hindsight, I can tell you that it is unique and has the potential to be beautiful.
Lately, a good friend of mine asked me to imagine how my life without a stoma would be. I tried to and… it was impossible! All I can see is the life I have right now, the life I work on every day. There were no other options left when I decided to undergo surgery. Am I being dramatic? Am I exaggerating? No… This was the sad reality of a young woman who was so sick she was but a mere shadow of her former self. I decided to undergo surgery so I could have a future. So I could start a family. So I could become a young, ambitious teacher. So I could become a healthy and radiant woman. Back then, I decided that the disease would not be a part of my daily life.
Unfortunately, surgery isn’t the most difficult part of the process; everything you have to face in order to accept the person you have become is. After my surgery, I started working on myself and on self-acceptance. I had to get used to live with a stoma and get to know it. I’m glad I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time, because it let me take all the time I needed to accept this and understand that my stoma does not define me. It is just a part of me. I understood that you won’t find the answer to self-acceptance in someone else’s eyes. You have to work on yourself to become what you want to be. I struggled and I spent many nights crying and falling down. But you have to get up, lick your wounds and find the strength to go on. When trying to accept myself, I decided to choose myself for once. I learned to look at myself in the mirror and think I’m pretty with my stoma. I decided to surround myself with positive things. Positive attracts positive. I decided to believe in life and in myself. I now have a teaching job that brings me so much joy, a small apartment that allows me to blossom and a lover who understands what I went through and how I became the person I am today.
If I had to go back in time and face the same choice, I would make the same decision 100%. If I can see the positive in the hardships life throws your way and tell you not to give up because the best is yet to come, it’s because it’s true. You just got to believe… and choose yourself every day.