FIRST AND FOREMOST: ACCEPT YOURSELF
One of the biggest fears of any ostomate is often the fear of being rejected by others. There is also the fear of future romantic and sexual relationships, future meetings, leisure time, etc. Who would want to date a guy or a girl with a pouch on their stomach, in a society like ours where one’s appearance is so important?
Personally, my philosophy of life has always been: “Other people will accept you as you are if you can accept yourself first.” It has always served me well. I may sound philosophical, but let me explain.
If you talk about it in a negative way, other people won’t accept it and see it in a positive way. If a car salesman tells his customers: “This car is a gas guzzler, it is rusted and the body has dents”, who would want to buy this car? This is not the best way to sell it! But if the salesman says: “This car is a gas guzzler, but it is extremely fast! It is a bit rusty and has a few dents, but its engine is one of the best out there. Plus, it can still last for 10 years”, it sounds much better!
We must ask ourselves two questions:
- Does your pouch really prevent you from going out? Or are you the one limiting yourself because of your stoma?
- Does your pouch prevent you from living your life fully? Or does it enable you to live? In my opinion, you wouldn’t be here, alive, if not for your pouch! You would probably constantly be in the bathroom, and you would miss a lot of activities. Then it would be true that the disease, and not your stoma, would prevent you from doing things.
So if you tell others that your pouch prevents you from living your life fully, that it’s disgusting, that it hinders you, basically if you only say negative things, who will want to share their life with you? But what if you say that your pouch allows you to do many things you wouldn’t be able to do otherwise, that you can finally live your life to the fullest, that it doesn’t prevent you from doing anything, except wear tiny bikinis… The “pin-up” look for swimsuits is much better by the way, and it allows you to hide that little muffin-top. Nice two in one! You can also say that it doesn’t smell bad when you fart! That you’re lucky, because you don’t have to run to the bathroom and can keep watching TV when you have a case of gastroenteritis! You’d be surprised to see how funny people will find it. It will make them want to know more, so they’ll ask you more questions. They won’t view this as an obstacle, but as a source of admiration. Let’s be honest, overcoming the disease is no small feat!
I’ve always talked openly about my stoma. It’s a “friend” that follows me around the clock, so I might as well be polite and introduce him. That way, there can be no surprises! If I may, it’s a bit like a push-up bra. When you don’t know what to expect, it can be a bit surprising! But this is a different subject… We can also compare the pouch to a new person in a group of friends. At first, there’s a bit of awkwardness and concerns, but then it’s as if nothing had happened!
Oh! A few months ago, my pouch friend and I bought a wedding dress that suits us to perfection! A young man, who accepted us both, asked me to marry him. I said YES! We will get married next March.
