THE BEST CHOICE OF MY LIFE
Going through adolescence without an ileostomy was difficult sometimes. Very difficult even! My parents, who wanted to go back to their roots, decided to move to the country the year I started the reversal of my ileostomy. I was a little girl from the city who had to start her first year of high school in a town of 3000 people. I was white as a sheet due to anemia, and I was only weighing 88 pounds… it’s a little scary, and it didn’t help me make new friends! But hey, it was better to laugh about it.
Unlike other teenagers, I accepted myself. Having to restrain myself in several activities was more difficult to accept though. The reversal procedure was supposed to make me “normal” again, but it wasn’t as magical as I thought it would be. My “J-pouch” never really played its role, and instead created a vicious cycle. The more I went to the washroom, the more my anus closed, and the more my “J-pouch” became irritated. Thus my pouch could not function as intended. It was awesome! (There’s a lot of sarcasm in this sentence.)
Almost being incontinent at an age where you discover the world, where you want to be with your friends, where you want to take your place in the world, and where you learn that your hormones have feelings for young men... It's not exactly what you can call fun teenage years. I’ve had to reluctantly refuse to go to several activities for fear of not finding any washrooms. Imagine the shame of not being able to hold it in and soiling your clothes! I couldn’t even imagine having a summer job. Who would want to hire a girl who’d always be on the toilet?
Being as proud as I am, I often pretended that everything was okay. However, I knew where all the nearest washrooms were and how long it took to get to them, which excuses to tell my friends to justify my little and sudden absences, and which tricks worked best to prevent noises in the washroom! Tee hee! Even though everyone defecates (even the beautiful Angelina Jolie does), it’s taboo and no one wants to talk about it!
During my fifth year of high school, when I was 17, a strange phenomenon occurred. For a month, I felt a lot of pressure when I urinated. I wasn’t sure if there were stools in my pee. One day, I decided to send an e-mail to my gastroenterologist to ask if this was possible. An hour later, the phone rang, and he said: “Come to the hospital immediately.” Due to the irritation between my bladder and my intestine (caused by my J-pouch), a fistula had developed there. In other words, I was peeing stools. This is when I learned I urgently had to get a temporary ileostomy.
I was sad and worried, even though I remembered being comfortable wearing my bag six years ago. I had to take my romantic and sexual relationships into consideration now, being a teenager full of hormones. How would men react to this?! My boyfriend, who was very receptive right from the start, helped me silence this fear. He helped me regain the courage and ease I felt when I had my first ileostomy, back when I was 11 years old.
During the first week after I temporarily got back my “Tupperware” friend, I was truly happy. I was FREE AGAIN! I didn’t have any worries or cramps. I started eating food that I couldn’t eat before. I was now able to go camping, go on road trips and go to parties on an island without any washroom: HAPPINESS!
The doctor told me they would remove my ileostomy a year later. But the closer we got to the deadline, the sadder I felt. I was finally living, and I felt so good! I was afraid I'd have to fear bathrooms and I'd have to refrain myself from doing many things again.
When I was 19, I made the biggest and the best decision of my life. I asked to keep my ileostomy, my friend, forever!
It’s this friend who, today, allows me to travel oversees multiple times a year to do the job I love. My friend also allows me to enjoy life without any discomfort or restrictions!
Thank you, my “Tupperware” friend!